The Daily Entries of Byakuya Kuchiki
by iamthemap
Summary: Some things are meant to be said in written form. For a person such as Byakuya Kuchiki, having a journal is the best way to express one's self in their daily lives. Slight crack.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N:** No real plot, just Byakuya taking note of significant events of his daily life as a captain. Most of this will be crack for humor and parody's sake. It was meant for him to express his feelings in some way that was not fighting or looking down on others so to relieve stress, according to Unohana. So basically he will be very honest and informal in writing._

 _By the way, the phrases/words italicized and enclosed with [-] are supposed to have a strikethrough, indicating that these were supposed to be written over and covered since does not have strikethroughs in their formatting. I will try to update this every week, even if I just did this to get rid of my writer's block and have something to do in between studying._

 _I do not own Bleach and obviously its characters._

* * *

Byakuya Kuchiki

6th Division – Captain

Kuchiki Clan – 28th Head

 **Do not touch or be prepared for the consequences. Return immediately if lost and found.**

* * *

 **June 29**

This journal is meant for the expression of thoughts, feelings and opinions on everyday matters. Captain Unohana strictly suggested to do this to lessen the mental stress I have from all the responsibilities I have to do. I would like to thank my sister, Rukia Kuchiki, for this very nice journal which she bought back in the Realm of the Living. The fact that the color matches perfectly the color of Senbonzakura's release pleases me.

To start with this so-called expression, today was just like other days. I'd rather not detail it out but really, it was uneventful.

Probably why I ended up finally taking the months-long advice of writing in this journal.

I think Abarai fell asleep doing his paperwork again.

I am correct.

As always.

And he shall not be neglecting his work.

Like always.

* * *

 **June 30**

Coffee is definitely one of the best things the Realm of the Living has to offer. I left a fresh pot of it on the desk for Abarai to drink and I had not known the entire list of effects but I am glad to say that it was enough to make my vice-captain do the work I tell him.

He was able to finish all of his paperwork in one go, proofread it thrice, rearranged it seven times in seven different ways, rearranged my papers five times, delivered it to the first division, came back, helped clean the office, made us lunch, washed the dishes, cleaned the office once more, did push-ups, ran a few laps around the division barracks, did push-ups on one hand, did jumping jacks, did push-ups on one hand with me sitting on his back, made me tea and showered before falling dead asleep in his futon at around 4 pm.

I felt Rukia's spiritual energy nearby and left Abarai to rest for the rest of the day to join her in going home. Apparently she will be leaving next week for the real world and I decided to spend as much time with her as I can before she goes.

We successfully managed to avoid the little ingrate of a vice-captain which was Vice-Captain Kusajishi when I felt her feline-like pink aura on the way home.

I have hired twenty more security officers and fifteen candy-carrying decoys placed around the perimeter of our mansion, by the way, and I am confident that this will be the end of my problem with the child.

But I do not think it was just caffeine that made my Vice-Captain that active.

* * *

 **July 1**

I entrusted Abarai the mission of exterminating the hollows that continued to pour in a certain city in the Realm of the Living and as a result, my office is once again in peace. His other paperwork is entrusted to the third seat and just in time the orange-haired brat came barging in whilst I was drinking tea.

He is currently questioning me as to why I am ignoring him while writing this journal.

It only took me the simple threat of my Senbonzakura to get him to sit down and stop peeking in my journal.

HEY BYAKUYA'S DIARY.

Ichigo is no longer in the premises, apparently he actually wanted to see my bankai again, so I granted him his wish.

Also, I would like to clarify that this is a journal, not a diary.

* * *

 **July 2**

I am currently listening to Rukia arguing with Ichigo that there is nothing he should be afraid of. It seems he has yet to inform her that I have laid out a clear threat to him. His aura is erratic and annoying, much to my distaste and with Rukia being irritated, the energy radiating from the other side of the wall was distracting.

I moved to the garden, rooms away from the two. I always wonder about their exact relationship with each other. Rukia seems to have a tendency to be close to men like Ichigo and Renji and while my vice-captain has grown to be a great soldier and fighter, I do not see a peaceful and quiet future if he were to be with my sister. Ichigo, on the other hand, is an enigma. He could be endearing and annoying, loud but silent, abrasive and admirable all at the same time. Perhaps he could be a better pair.

Wait, no. It is not for me to decide whom she wants to be with.

As long as they're not from the eleventh division. Or the twelfth. Definitely not the twelfth.

A butterfly just informed me that the Captain Commander reminded us captains that there shall be a general meeting tomorrow.

Bloody hell. I thought my wishes of the old man forgetting those general meetings would finally come true this time.

* * *

 **July 3**

I have won the secret bet between Captain Ukitake and Captain Kyoraku and I as to which captains will not be attending and who will be more likely to fall asleep.

Captain Soi Fong was on a mission three days earlier, so I had some of my money on her, and of course, she had not come. Captain Ukitake had a bet on Captain Hitsugaya (he always betted on him no matter what was being bet on), who just in time, came back from the World of the Living and attended the meeting half-awake. Captain Kyoraku predicted it would be Captain Kurotsuchi (he was my first choice, but he had beaten me to it, this captain would just ignore announcements unless it spiked his interest or there were going to be potential specimens) but it seemed like the Captain Commander was not happy with his performance so he might have threatened the scientist to come.

The three of us betted on Captain Kenpachi as to who would be falling asleep standing at some point. Because he does all the time and it has become a fact.

Abarai and I shall be feasting on my favorite spicy dishes when he comes back for free.

It is very amusing to watch him glow red and tear up while eating.

* * *

 **July 4**

Rukia has a very large stuff toy of Chappie the Bunny inside her room. When or where she bought it, I do not know, but I have a feeling it is quite expensive due to its very velvet and soft texture. It's very nice to hold and _[_ _snug]_ touch. I've been thinking of buying one before.

For Rukia of course. Not for myself. Because I am a grown man, a captain, a clan head and a very busy man. I do not have time to hold and cuddle such soft and velvet stuff toy and make myself feel better by doing so even _[if I want]_

Captain Unohana was right. Having a journal does make you honestly expressive.

This shall be the last entry for the day.

My Vice-Captain is yet to arrive from his mission. Not that I mind, I like the quiet.

* * *

 **July 5**

Captain Ukitake has been feeling well as of the late. How did I know? There was suddenly a huge bowl of candies on my desk when I arrived at the barracks even if I have told him countless of times that I do not like sweets. I also assumed that Captain Kyoraku was with him, judging by the two bottles of sake beside the bowl. Again, I have yet to remind him again that sake is sweet, and I do not like sweets. Perhaps their old age is getting to them.

Captain Hitsugaya is in a hurry, and not in a good mood. He just passed the office and the temperature dropped around a sure ten degrees.

It seems like his Vice-Captain had joined Abarai in his mission and has not returned yet, according to the butterfly, and he was advised to see the situation. I, however, was not informed of this, so I do not think I am needed to see if my Vice-Captain is still alive and well.

Going back to my first topic for today's entry, there are some spicy chocolate mixed in. Very spicy and good, I must say.

This shall be my welcoming gift for my dearest Vice-Captain.


	2. Chapter 2

**July 6**

To my disdain, a butterfly had informed me that I was to go and check the situation my lieutenant had been in for the last few days. He was to return yesterday but it seemed like something had delayed him. I do not think it was necessary for me to go; he had been away for longer periods of time and sometimes I do not even notice he was gone until I feel that the barracks was too quiet. But orders are orders; I am Byakuya Kuchiki, sixth division captain, head of the Kuchiki clan and a role model for all shinigami. I shall stand with the law.

It was nice that Rukia volunteered to go with me to the Living World when she was scheduled to go at Wednesday. Captain Ukitake did not mind, as usual.

He had also said that Lieutenant Ise and Captain Kyoraku will be celebrating their birthdays on July 9, this Thursday, since their birthdays are only days apart (Lieutenant Ise's birthday is tomorrow and Captain Kyoraku on the eleventh). I have yet to confirm my attendance but I do not think I will be attending.

Also, I found out why my own lieutenant was delayed in coming back. He and Rangiku stopped by Kisuke's shop and had a drinking contest. Needless to say, I am unimpressed and disappointed and clearly, he knew. He was definitely surprised when Rukia and I arrived.

But I could not scold or tell him that I was not happy with his actions for my dear sister had beat me to it.

When he realized I supported and approved Rukia's flying kick to his face, he did not dare utter a word that was not part of an apology. That satisfied me for now; I still had some treats for him to eat back in Soul Society.

Apparently, Rukia sleeps in Ichigo Kurosaki's closet.

Rukia Kuchiki. A noble. My sister. Lieutenant of the thirteenth division. Wielder of _Sode no Shirayuki_. A warrior capable of being a seated officer right after graduating from the academy.

Sleeping inside a stubborn brat's closet.

I will not allow this.

* * *

 **July 7**

To my surprise, Rukia is very contented with her place in Ichigo's closet and I found out why. She had transformed that small cramped up space into a decorated room with complete ventilation, bookshelf and lights. There was an actual bed with a couple of pillows and blankets and it is an understatement to say that I was just merely impressed with what she had done.

The brat could not stop whining about spending all of his money for this; he should be proud and honored that a noble had taken a liking for as stuffy as his closet. But of course, he is as hard-headed as a Gillian that had eaten too many hallows, I doubt he would not shut up about it for the next few days.

My vice-captain and I are back in Seireitei and I'm very proud to say even with the mission, he immediately started working. All I did was glare and did not even need to give him coffee.

* * *

 **July 8**

I spent half of the day checking the proposed budgets my squad had given. Half of them were granted and the rest were ignored. But that does not mean I am not a selfish and incredibly frugal captain; in fact, I am quite generous.

I am just well aware that generosity has its limitations and I am very sure that granting budget so the sixth division could own a training space and convert it into a football field is generous enough, so rejecting their request to make one of the spaces in the barracks into a basketball court is acceptable.

Vice-Captain Kira stopped by earlier (fidgeting as always, I have yet to ask Captain Unohana if he had a certain condition) and asked if my lieutenant was ready to go. I was not informed that Abarai was to go out today but seeing that expression of a lost child in Vice-Captain Kira's eye (I do not understand why he had to cover half of his face with his bangs, I doubt he had something abrasive or ugly under it) I let him go.

Apparently, they were going to find new clothes to wear for tomorrow's party. I do not think they need to, since they will end up dead drunk by the end of the night.

* * *

 **July 9**

Dear Little Byakuya's Diary,

This is the Goddess of Flash and I am here to inform you that Byakuya is out of commission after losing a drinking contest. Well, not really lost since he had no idea that you could mix hard drinks with juice, but at least he has a great alcohol tolerance than most guys.

That's all I guess!

-Yoruichi Shihoin

I LIKE DICKS ESPECIALLY THE BIG ONES – Byakuya Kuchiki

C========3

I dun kno wuts a dicks but Yachiru RULEZ! 11TH DIV RULZ!

Fuck you Byakuya.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLIMGAYLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

* * *

 **July 10**

Dear Captain Kuchiki's Diary,

I am not aware as to how this little pink notebook ended up in my possession but since the owner will not be able to enter anything for this day, I shall do the honor.

Last night's party was a complete success and I am sure that half of the people who attended must have great hangovers. I made sure almost everything that could be mixed with alcohol had alcohol.

I myself have woken up with a huge headache and a very upset vice-captain (because the whole eighth division barracks is a mess). I deem the party one of the best.

Love,

Shunsui Kyoraku

PS: Captain Kuchiki, I would like to inform you in advance that it was not I nor Lieutenant Ise who had drawn penises in this diary.

* * *

 **July 11**

The level of frustration and intensity of a headache that I am feeling right now cannot be compared even to the time when the eleventh division decided to hold their division party in the Kuchiki mansion.

Lieutenant Ise is kind enough to return this journal to me before anyone else could vandalize the rest of the pages.

I have promised myself to NEVER take on a drinking challenge offered by that demon cat.

Also, this is not a diary. And I am not one bit a homosexual.

That is all.

* * *

 **July 12**

I am still yet to fully recover from the stress and migraines I've been having in the past two days and the desk of papers to be read and signed do not help one bit.

I could barely exert any effort in defending my stand of rejecting the proposal of a basketball court when I received a petition signed by the other divisions in support of actualizing said proposal.

Even the Captain Commander and his vice-captain had signed. I do not think they even know what basketball is.

At least they agreed that I will not be signing any more requests of converting spaces into a volleyball, tennis, badminton court or any outdoor sport that requires a large area of space.

But I might consider table-tennis.

* * *

 ** _A/N_ :** Should have updated this last week but I was busy, oops.

Also, I'm also in the process of continuing the other fics but IDK when I'll be satisfied enough to update them.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N:** Hey guys, and sorry this took really really long to update even if I promised to try to update it weekly._

* * *

 **September 6**

I apologize for not being able to write for one whole month and a few weeks; the division had an incredibly stressful mission concerning hallows appearing in broad daylight. In total, I had modified around a thousand and a hundred minds to think that the huge hole on the ground in the center of the town was because of some kind of meteor that fell with such spontaneity that no one was able to record at least a part of it happening.

The twelfth division should really work on creating new and more realistic faux memories for the humans.

Even my lieutenant, who could be quite dim-witted and slow at times, and incredibly oblivious to the obvious, would think, no, _conclude_ , that a huge gang of sumo wrestlers rallying and damaging public property in the dead of the night is extremely ridiculous.

I also had to keep this journal in a secure and safe place because there really are people who do not know the meaning of "private" or "extremely personal". I had to tear out a few pages that had very malicious vandalism. They must think I am too soft to actualize the threat I placed on the front page. I assure you, they must not. Even Captain Kenpachi realized this; he was the one who had told his little brat of a lieutenant to apologize for drawing in this journal.

It has quelled my anger a bit. Though I am still yet to find out who had drawn numerous male genitalia on the other pages.

* * *

 **September 7**

I found out that the vice-captains had formed their own little council. Though, as much as I was surprised, I do not think (nor do the other captains) that "Alliance of Noble and Awesome Lieutenants" is a very decent name for such group, nor its acronym an appealing one.

When I discovered its existence, it was during the general meeting that was scheduled today and I had the greatest misfortune to return to from a very long mission. Apparently, ANAL (I will definitely have a very long lecture with Lieutenant Abarai and Rukia as to why they should change their name) submitted a concept paper on a basketball competition between the thirteen squads to promote "friendly and non-violent" competitiveness with each other.

If I was not Byakuya Kuchiki, the head of a noble house and captain of the sixth division, I would have snorted as loudly as Captain Zaraki had or at least scoffed the same way Captain Kurosutchi did.

It was quite a headache of a meeting really. Especially since we captains had to explain to the old man that basketball was a human sport and that it was to be played on the court that my division petitioned to actualize and that he also signed on that very petition. Even Captain Hirako thought it was an absurd idea.

After I raised my point that no one in the whole Seireitei knew how to play basketball (except the fifth division captain, who himself just shrugged in the end because he actually thought the sport was cool to watch), Captain Ukitake immediately suggested to invite Ichigo Kurosaki and his friends to teach the interested players on how to play basketball. A unanimous decision was reached, much to my dismay, and the humans were to instruct all of us how the game works tomorrow.

It was Captain Hitsugaya's mission to inform the little ingrates of their task. I am quite impressed as to how he kept his cool after the Captain Commander announced it; the room was still warm despite the temperature dropping a little.

* * *

 **September 8**

Captain Hitsugaya had convinced the humans to agree on teaching basketball in exchange that they gave the school administration a valid excuse letter for the simultaneous absences of six of their students for three days and for the whole week two weeks from now.

Ichigo Kurosaki and Chad Yasutora were assigned to be the referees for the event and the Quincy, the scorekeeper. The _[large-cheste]_ orange-haired lass was in-charge of giving instructions to the shinigami who volunteered to be cheerleaders while the other humans (three of them; that rather boyish girl best friend of Ichigo Kurosaki and Inoue Orihime, the short and cool-headed boy and the incredibly loud and annoying one who keeps on flirting with women) were to only be allowed in Soul Society once they have finished teaching basketball.

Other captains seemed intrigued and even participated in the sport, but I plan to stay out of the event until the end. This is the perfect time to relax and unwind in my manor and I could care less on other things. All of Seireitei were going to be busy practicing and finishing missions for this event and everyone is looking forward to it (surprisingly so, who ever thought that such a dull game of throwing an orange ball into a netted hole would be exciting) and there will be no one who will be bothering me.

* * *

 **September 9**

I am currently in the real world, most particularly in Japan's capital city, because of the high incidents of hallow attacks. Normally, it would be the lieutenant's job to take care of missions like this but because of the special basketball event (which I highly doubt to be successful, at least peacefully so), the captains were sent instead. I am not complaining at all, though, I enjoy moving around rather than staying in an office all day, even if the hallows I faced earlier were not enough to make me move much.

Right now, I am sitting on top of a sky scraper with a lovely view to look at.

I moved to another sky scraper; I did not notice the two lovers making out behind me. They started to make some lewd noises as well.

I have sensed another hallow just now, so this shall be my last entry for the day.

* * *

 **September 10**

Sometimes I forget the privileges of being a captain when I am in the real world. Right now I am lounging in a first-class hotel with an amazing view of the city. Normally, I would not need to have a place to rest, but the alarming number of hallows that appeared last night was enough to make me bring out a gigai and book a room to rest. But it was half an evil though; the bed was incredibly comfortable that I woke up later than I intended to. At least there were no signs of hallows appearing during my sleep.

Hey Little Byakuya's Diary,

Goddess of Flash here again. Little Byakuya is in the shower right now and I plan to surprise him, since it's been like, forever since I have seen him so mad and embarrassed.

Just so you know, I am currently naked (got here in cat form so obviously I don't have clothes) and eating in the fancy dining room of this really fancy hotel room.

He just walked out shouting angrily my name.

Just walked into the kitchen and saw me and suddenly flash-stepped away I cannot stop laughing right now oh my fucking god his face.

I fucking missed this guy I wanna hug him.

I WILL hug him.

He went out without saying anything.

Pussy. :(

* * *

 **September 11**

I have realized the reason as to why I cannot seem to find any time for peace and quiet. The company I keep is far from peaceful and quiet.

Right now I am sitting on top of the hotel I am staying in, because the damn demon cat not only invaded my room NAKED, I had to make a deal with her that she will not bother me nor steal my kills on the hallows in the city if bought her clothes and let her stay in the hotel. I complied of course, but obviously, I knew that was not all.

She had brought along her partner-in-crime, Urahara Kisuke, and the two are lounging in my room. I last saw them watching television before I left, and I am sure they are doing something else that I would rather not imagine or, more so, see.

Yes, I sense another hallow. At least there are plenty of distractions in the city.

* * *

 **September 12**

I have returned to Soul Society and managed to finish the paperwork for this mission immediately. The Captain Commander had sent lower-ranked shinigami to clean up any remaining hallows and watch over the city for a while so my work was deemed done. It was nothing heavy, actually, fifty hallows might have been unusual for a small town but large cities had a tendency to suddenly have large amounts of them in certain periods. Quite a sad thing when you think about it.

Also, I was reminded of the basketball event again. I came across the fifth division and Captain Hirako was busy watching his team practice. Normally, I would not have cared, but it was quite amusing to see shinigami play. They were quite good, if I were to compare their gameplay with the ones I saw in the televisions in the real world. Of course, I would have commended their team if the blasted captain would not have shrugged and told me that they were among the best teams, with the ninth and eleventh division.

Captain Kurosutchi had to pass by and tell us about the supremacy and intelligence of the twelfth squad over everything, including human sport.

Even the first division is training, I was told.

Just when I thought I could excuse myself from the event, all the captains are actively participating.

However, even if my enthusiasm about this competition is not so high, I have decided to assure one thing.

The sixth division will certainly not lose.

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_ _I am sorry (again) for not updating this weekly and for the really huge timeskip. Hey, shinigami are normally too busy anyway. And I am sorry for not updating any of my other fics because school has been unforgiving lately and you know how it goes._

 _Also, I just really like the idea of Yoruichi annoying Byakuya out of the blue and that Byakuya gets easily embarrassed with perverted stuff like Ichigo does. And I also think she likes doing it to Ichigo because it reminds her of younger Byakuya aww._

 _And, I just wanna say that the pairings you find here and the rest of the chapters (if you squint maybe) are purely Byakuya's assumptions, but I also think he has his own secret OTPs because he is a closet romantic._

 _Thank you for everyone who had favorited and followed this fic by the way. Love you and hugs and kisses for all of you and for those who will be supporting after this. :")_


End file.
